Archive for April, 2009

Family problems

April 30, 2009

This is a comment that I wanted to post for everyone to see.

anonymous Says:

hey mrs. blizzard. well i’ve been having some family problems. my parents are divorced and my mom lives like 3 hours away, so she’s never around and i know it’s not her fault and that she try’s to be here for me but, i feel kinda seperated from her, like she’s hiding something from me. my older brother has been the biggest problem of all. he’s always being a jerk and sometimes i know it’s not his fault because i just found out that he might be bipolar, soo… he’s also gotten kicked out of school, so now he’s doing online school but, he has decided that if he cant get back into school that he will go into the navy. that really scares me. and on top of everything i have my own issue, and im gonna admit it… i have some big self esteem problems. please give me some advice. :)

Being separated from your mom at your age is not something that I can personally relate too so that part of your comment is tougher for me than the rest.  I can say that you must always remember that the separation is not the result of something that you did or did not do.  Also, adults have lives that are full of hopes and dreams and problems just like kids do.  If your mother is happy then try not to worry to much about her.  If she is not happy then I can’t stress this enough; You can not fix her problems.  She’s the adult and she has to make her own choices.

I have lived with a family member who has a psychological problem similar to your brothers.  This can drive you crazy because you hate to see it and you’d love to be able to change/fix it but nothing ever works.  You can’t control his behavior.  What you can control is how you react to his actions.  Try not to get too angry with him but know that it’s ok to be angry.  Just don’t let that anger eat you up inside.  If your brother does end up going into the Navy understand that that is his choice and he has the right to make it.  Out of all the military services this would be the one I would feel most comfortable with a family member in.  Military service men and women develop relationships that are very much like a family.  They provide a since of companionship and support that some people thrive on. 

Finally, we get to your self esteem issues.  Know that you are by no means alone with this problem.  At your age, everyone is struggling with those issues.  Even the popular kids who seem to have it all have their problems.  Teen and pre-teens are at a stage in their lives when they are trying to figure out who they are going to be.  Work at finding out what makes you feel good, what makes you happy.  Being happy is the biggest part of being confident.  This doesn’t have to be as hard as it may sound.  If you love music, pick out some great tunes and listen to them (a lot!)  If you love playing a sport, practice and get better at it.  If you love a clean room, clean your room and feel great about it.  If a friend is bringing you down, know that it’s ok to pull away from them.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or what size you are if you’ve learned how to make yourself happy.  You see, being happy draws people to you.  Don’t worry if it takes time.  It’s worth waiting for. 

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My parents are so mean!

April 28, 2009

Parents can be so mean sometimes.  They do things like take away your video games when your grades drop;  They cut you off from your friends if you start getting into trouble;  They won’t even let you use your cell phone if you get caught texting too much.  Then they get mad if you argue with them about it!  How can they do this to you?

Well, lets look at it from a different prospective.  It’s pretty simple, consider this table:

Action ==> Reaction

Your grades drop ==> You lose your video games

You get into trouble ==> You’re cut off from your friends

You text too much ==> You lose your cell phone.

Which came first, the action or the reaction?  If your grades hadn’t dropped would you still be playing your video games?  If you hadn’t gotten into trouble would you be able to hang with your friends?  If you hadn’t texted too much would you still have that cell phone in your bag?  The problem isn’t that your parents are being mean, it’s that you haven’t kept up with your end of things.  Hey, who bought you the video games in the first place?   Your parents are just trying to teach you how to take care of yourself.  You see, as an adult, if you don’t take care of yourself (in other words, do the things you should) then you lose.  The difference is, the things you lose as an adult might be:  your home, your family, your life.  A few weeks without video games doesn’t even come close to as bad as losing the things you could lose as an adult.

Bullies!

April 27, 2009

Being in control, feeling strong, being powerful, are all good things to be.  Most people develop these things by accomplishing something, or reaching a goal.  The Bully goes about it in a different way.  They feel power, control, and strength by hurting other people.  If they can control someone else’s emotions, they feel powerful.  I believe that it’s one of the only times they feel good about themselves.  This isn’t something to feel proud of, it’s something to pity.  The bully is too weak to feel good all on their own.  Teens and pre-teens are too young to really understand this.  They have so many insecurities due to their age alone, that it’s easy for the bully to exert control.  The typical teen’s reaction is just what the bully needs for it to be.  They may feel shame, embarrassment, anger, or pain.  They may even believe that they are being bullied because of something they did.  It’s hard for them to separate themselves from what happens around them.  Unfortunately, this feeds right into the bully’s needs and actually encourages the bully to continue the behavior.

The only way to stop the cycle is for the bully to no longer get what he or she wants out of the confrontation.  The bullied kid has to surprise the bully in one of several ways.  They might laugh at the taunt; ignore the bully; or even come back with something that turns the table on the bully.  Any of the above reactions would be a show of a lot more power than the bully has. 

I talked to two of my classes today about this since it’s been so prevalent in the news lately.  We discussed the two young boys who committed suicide over bullying.  Most of the students believe that the kids responsible for these suicides probably feel little or no remorse for their actions.  My students also surprised me when I asked what they thought should be the consequences for bullying.  A huge percentage of them thought that they (the bully) should be sent to another school where military type control is enforced.  Maybe they’re right.

Hello world!

April 27, 2009

Hey kids, Let me know what you want to hear.